Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Some Of My Best Friends Are Conservative

...therefore it sometimes disturbs me when they announce online that They are Right and Everyone else is an Idiot. This clearly untrue, as I am the one who is Right; in more sorrow than anger, can only express bemusement at the fact that not Everyone seems to have grasped this. Yet.

Have also noticed that, invariably, it is sensation-mongering talk-show hosts whose iron-clad logic is brought to bear on the issues. Should like to see someone quote, for instance, Stephen Carter-- a conservative thinker who seems to prefer boring and reasonable arguments to Exciting past-times such as name-calling and asking people to pry things out of his Cold, Dead Hands.

As to myself, I find it very hard to respond rationally to rants. Am instead almost irresistibly impelled to to wave Red Flag (or suitable substitute thereto available to hand, such as the recently arrived Netflix envelope) and recite Communist poetry, though am not able to remember any. Am aware, however, that this solves no problems; am further unaware of any way to accomplish what so many call for with much rhetorical (and perhaps even literal - who knows?) Foot-stomping and Arm-waving: namely, the elimination of Human Stupidity. Not even the abrogation of all Civil Rights except the Right to Bear Arms will accomplish that. No, really.

Have noticed that Political Discourse has induced excessive alliteration. Shall henceforth try to avoid this: next, expect the riveting Tale of the Raccoon in My Tree which will not give my kids rabies because the tree is too far from our window for the Raccoon to accomplish the Death-Defying Leap that would enable it to actually come into contact with any of us. Your expressions of Concern are thus Noted, Appreciated, and Dismissed.