Thursday, August 28, 2008

Of Very Little Importance in the Grand Scheme of Things

Son (age 5): Next Purim, I'm going to be Voldemort and I'm going to kill Harry Potter's family, chas v'shalom.

Ensuing train of thought: Am I really such a failure as a parent? I didn't think it would show up so soon. At least he said chas v'shalom; on the other hand, highly doubt he knows what it means. To the good, this shows ability to follow narrative and retain details. Last Chanukah he said he was going to be King Antiochos. Is this normal? Is the term "normal" ever applicable in the context of 5-year-old children? Recall, myself, at this age, ardently yearning to be a detective, in a village, with many cows.

Train of thought abruptly derailed by Daughter's (age 6.5) announcement that She is going to be a Lawyer because they Write and Argue lots.

In the grocery store, am confronted by kids' day camp director in grey robe and tichel, who stares at my business suit and says I Look Nice and Am I going to a Wedding? I say, No, I am returning from Court, whereupon she screams and says, Oh no, what Happened?! I give my usual reply of: Nothing - to me. Am thus reminded of morbidly buzzard-like quality of my profits deriving from the misfortunes of others, but console myself with the mostly accurately thought that, without me, those misfortunes would probably be Much Worse.

Upon my return home, pick up ringing telephone, only to hear one of Our Community Members ask for Husband, in rather lowered voice suggesting a wish for Discreet Medical Consultation. Inform him that Husband is in Hospital. He gasps and says, Oh no, what Happened. Wearily reply that Nothing - to him. Wonder why doctors, though similarly situated in respect to morbidness of profession, always come off as so much more noble and altruistic than lawyers.

Several eons later, all children firmly ensconced in their beds (so I thought - it was subsequently revealed that one child, in fact, had been firmly ensconced on the floor, lying, naturally, on my pillow - but I digress), derived wholly irrational enjoyment from viewing the third Die Hard. As I told Husband later, I do like a movie featuring a) NYC b) subways c) floods - even really minor ones.


Moshe said...

Well, I love playing Haman in shul's plays, or some kind of bad guy.

Does your kids' day camp director know you're a lawyer. She does sound dee dee dee though.

Regarding the guy from shul, he's calling a doctor who works in a hospital and finds it strange that the doctor is currently in a hospital?! Again, a case of dee dee dee.

Sally Hazel said...

Pretty amusing. Keep writing.

Dina said...

Moshe: yeah, the camp director is like that... at some point she took it into her head that I was the doctor in the family, which led to a very confused dialogue where I thought we were talking about my law clients and she thought we were talking about ob-gyn patients.

Sally: Thanks :)

Moshe said...

Dude, add blogroll and add me, alter and mazal.

Mikeinmidwood said...

Your 5 year old seems to be a normal 5 year old liking violence. Just one difference all the 5 year olds want to be batman or harry potter instead of voldemort and antiochus.