Thursday, April 23, 2009

April Is the Cruelest Month

Am pleased to inform the Public of my continuing presence on this Earthly Plane.

Am, however, much less pleased to be informed by Daughter's school that I am expected to appear and sign in at yet another gathering concerning the Dangers of the Internet; am also informed via Green Note that I should not consider myself off the hook if I have attended similar gathering at Son's school, as Girls face considerably Different challenges than Boys. Concur with the last, as problems of sexism and misogyny do present Considerable challenges, but highly doubt that any undertaking by aforementioned school likely to ameliorate this.

Also wish closer venue than Boro Park had been found; however, discover that question is moot as shall have no one to watch the kids Sunday night. The School can, nevertheless, rest assured that I shall not allow 7-year-old daughter internet access, cell phones, or video games - all this without being shouted at and told horror stories about how Bruchie got a Cell Phone, then a Boyfriend, and then Went Off the Derech and Now Lives Under a Bridge and Does Drugs (or was that a song by the Red Hot Chili Peppers?) Perhaps such stories more Effective if told in darkened room with flashlight held under speaker's face? And we could light a fire and toast some Marshmallows?

In other news, have moved into new apartment on 5th floor a week before Pesach; having entire kitchen uncovered throughout Pesach was oddly satisfactory. Still not completely unpacked, and, last week, I horrified Husband by referring to our Second Bedroom as the Storage Room. Process of unpacking Books and Clothes (not that they were packed, exactly, but that discussion far too Embarassing to be undertaken publicly) equally fascinating, as both pursuits turn up Items I had lost all awareness of owning. This especially nice, since live in constant Fear of becoming like the man in Candide who had read everything worth reading and lost all interest in Life.

8 comments:

inkstainedhands said...

My parents received the same letter, but aren't planning on attending.

They are able to figure out the dangers of the Internet without the school's assistance and they trust me to have enough good sense not to do anything stupid.

And even the incentive of free valet parking isn't enough to tempt them to waste a couple of hours of their lives.

Moshe said...

Here's my policy, if there's no food, I'm not coming.

Dina said...

I was foolish enough to go to the one at my son's school. There was nothing of a food-like nature whatsoever, which actually fueled half the indignation I felt about the entire farce.

SubWife said...

What sexism? What misogyny? Don't you know that washing dishes and mending HIS socks are the paths to happiness and equality? What? You don't mend his socks? Nobody does any more? There! You found the way to cure those evils and achieve happiness and fulfillment. Don't think too much and go mend something, woman.

Dude with hat (aka BTS) said...

I think it's too late to be afraid of bad bad bad boy called "internet". It's too much integrated into our lives today that you can't pretend it doesn't exist. So it is better to teach people how be clever enough and not do stupid things.

And I think Bruchie could've done same thing ten years ago without internet and cellphone. And the great Brooklyn bridge is there for more than 125 years...

Lion of Zion said...

MOSHE:

"Here's my policy, if there's no food, I'm not coming."

i assume you mean "free food"
but seriously, why would you go even there was free food?

Moshe said...

I didn't say I would go. I said that if there's no food, I won't go. If there is food, I would have to weigh the pros and cons.
If it's next to my house, I may come and sit there and play Star Pirates or Spy Battle on my cell.

La Poutine Cachere said...

"all this without being shouted at and told horror stories about how Bruchie got a Cell Phone, then a Boyfriend, and then Went Off the Derech and Now Lives Under a Bridge and Does Drugs (or was that a song by the Red Hot Chili Peppers?)" OMG. Soooo hilarious, yet accurate. And I'm glad someone else still appreciates the RHCP!